What a pile of laundry can do.
I absolutely do not understand myself sometimes. My relationship with my oldest son, Dustin, always is either on the edge of disaster or we have crossed that line and have said things to each other that lingers in the air forever. He is angry and I think there are some abandonment issue's from when his dad left us. He was only 4 but tells me he can remember it clearly. I cannot offer him any advise because he will take it the wrong way. So I try to just watch him and jump at any chance he will open up to me. These moments are RARE. He is angry and unappreciative of anything I do for him most of the time.
Why on earth, did I decide to do his laundry yesterday?? There was a mountain of it and they were really filthy from his welding. I spray and washed the jeans, bleached his whites, and did all I could to make it all clean. I washed, dryed, folded all his clothes. Then I waited for him to come home. I so wanted a really good reaction, but then I fell asleep and he had come home and gone to his room by the time I woke up. I went to his door at about 10 or 11 pm and knocked. His tone when he answered me was irritable. I asked him to come to my room. He said he had to get to bed. I asked him one more time. So he did go to my room, muttering and fussing. Once he walked in my room, I motioned to the pile of clean, folded laundry and simply said that I had done all his laundry for him and then asked him if he could get them off my bed. Then he kinda smiles and his tone isn't quite so edgy. I am not sure if he said thank you but he did give me an awkward hug. He said in a pleased voice that he could wear a clean welding shirt and clean jeans to work. So he gets his clothes and goes off to his room. I didn't get a major reaction, but there WAS a hint in his voice that he appreciated me doing that for him. It was awesome. That little bit of him being pleased with something I did made me feel happy. If only he knew how much I loved and cared for him. His dad is gone so Dustin directs all his anger towards me. I am the one that he lashes out at. No matter how many times we fight, he is still my baby boy and I will kick someone's ass if they hurt him. I am that way with all my kids, no matter what their ages. My small victory with Dustin last night, was just that......a small victory. But I am going to savor that moment as long as I can. I miss my Dustin.